Today I teared in class

Today I teared up in class.

So, this girl was over the moon when I missed class last week. She was apparently beaming the whole lesson that the teacher asked if she really disliked me.

I guess she does.

I make her do her homework.
I get her to stay back because she has no time to do her homework at home and her grades are suffering.
I tend to her questions rather than let them sit in her back.

What’s there to like about a teacher that makes you do work?

I feel so stupid for bothering.

Why can’t I leave this mini people alone and enjoy my tea?

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SCMS 2014

3 winters ago
I returned to Singapore
Anticipating a new start
Who’s to know
I was to wait two years

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我被针刺到了
可流血的是我身边的人
我要不把伤口包扎好
发炎的又会是别人的心

I saw a little girl run
I saw the little girl fall
She didn’t crack into pieces
But her mother did

A little boy had a wound
That was left undressed
The little boy didn’t get infected
But his mother did

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When I Was Out

image

“Is it coming up?”
“Nope.”
“Really?”
“Oh, yea it is comi…”

and I faded off into oblivion.
In exactly the same way a frame blurs into the next when a on-screen actor goes under.

When I woke up, he was peeling his gloves off his hands. He asked how I felt, and “woozy” was all I could muster. I was told to sleep a little more, and I tried. I couldn’t get up anyway.

But I couldn’t let myself sleep.

Sleep is a luxury. And I didn’t deserve it.

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Insanity: Day 3

I’m  feeling fit again.

But I’m eating crap. Need to plan my meals.

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Happiness

I am grateful for all the failed relationships in my life.

After things ended with Jay, I discovered how to love myself. I discovered how to forgive myself and keep myself happy, even though at times I forget.

People are always eager to share… and so am I. I want the people I love to discover also the beauty of joy.

But I lack the patience to remember that people learn in their own time. Or my overly zealous yen for her joy overpowered that patience.

I kept down the knowledge that she’ll judge, the fact that no one really is superior, but offering advice makes you seem so, and the probability that she’ll reject my words out of habit.
I kept these months of hesitation down, and finally decided to talk to one of my good friends about her dating style. In her haste and anxiety, I fear she’s getting even more lost.

Dear friend, I really am not trying to offer you my way, but merely hope that I might offer you a shorter route, perhaps shed light on the current situation as an onlooker.

I wish that one day you’ll see that I’ve only tried to talk to you as a friend, and that I only want to share. That perhaps one day you might accept my words with less defence.

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Lessons

Today I learnt a few things.

Some people don’t ask questions because they believe your answers. No matter what you say, they already have an answer for you.

I also learnt why a part of me wants my own family so much. Growing up, I had only four years and sporadic moments of security. Letting your ward get to know the bitterness/cruelty of society is a sorry excuse for your lack of self-control. 1% of love cannot cover the 99% anger you unleash unto someone else. Nope.

Love.

Because everyone needs it. Especially the people you don’t think deserve it.

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